I started to feel everything that happened is predestined.
Don't simply judge someone just by seeing tip of the iceberg of his/her life.
Lately, I discovered I would get frustrated & angry easily.
| Your score indicates that you have a below average EQ. |
People that typically score in this range sometimes have trouble recognising and understanding their feelings. They are not always able to express their feelings in the most appropriate manner. They often have doubts and concerns about who they really are. They do not have much confidence in themselves and in their abilities. In most circumstances, they have a difficult time showing love, empathy and compassion for other people. In general, they are not comfortable with intimacy. They also have trouble communicating with other people. They struggle with getting in tune with themselves and those around them. They may sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong moment. They sometimes find it hard to show their anger or deal with anger directed at them. At times they are unable to stand up for themselves when hurt or they are handle confrontation inappropriately. They may have trouble admitting when they are wrong; and when they do make mistakes, they are often uncomfortable apologising to those they hurt. People with below average EQ may also have low levels of self-worth. They do not like challenges or commitment and are afraid of change. They have a difficult time staying motivated and focused when they have set unattainable goals for themselves. They are fairly pessimistic about themselves and their future. "Managing emotions is an inside job" ~Howard Martin |
I thought but it never was.
Maybe it's time for me to face the truth.
“You never find yourself until you face the truth” ~ Pearl Bailey
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Saw this article in a particular forum.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her
hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her
anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who
had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt
sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly
in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was
actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep
and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just
did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't
want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked
me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her
out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was
going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the
first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is
holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't
tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned
on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that
I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her
life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a
few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness
in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry
mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...
I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I
do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do
you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she
and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love
each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
"Will you pledge to him your love, faith and tenderness, cherishing him with a wife’s loyalty and devotion?"
The period I dreaded most is approaching soon.
“You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.” ~
"Win 7... Win 7...Win 7... Win 7..."
These few weeks I was buried under a pile of works.
Knockoff time is very ambiguous to me now.
My workaholic cells are triggered.
Had a small getaway over the weekends with the Simmies at Genting for a break
Though short but we had great fun.
"Work while it is called today, for you know not how much you will be hindered tomorrow. One today is worth two tomorrow's; never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.”~ Benjamin Franklin
I'm very tired this week.
I had at least 6 hours of sleep everyday but I'm still tired.
Couldn't focus on the things I was doing & when mistakes made, self-reproaching took place.
Didn't feel like doing anything & feeling restless all the time.
You wouldn't be able to catch me smile often these days.
If you saw, it was actually just my lips smiling, not the heart.
Can someone tell me what happened to me?
“Confidence is a very fragile thing, and it certainly is something that has to start with your mental approach and your ability to respond and stay focused and not allow negative thoughts to enter into your own mind. When you're successful, it's easier to expect success. All of a sudden it's not there, it becomes more of a challenge.” ~ Bill Cowher
Buddhists believe in Cause & Effect.
What you did in your previous life will determine your destiny in the next.
If you were an evil man in your previous life, you have to pay for it by suffering in this life.
If you were a Samaritan in previous life, you will be rewarded maybe by being born in a good family & well liked by everyone in this life.
Personally, I think it is not justice.
Why do we have pay in this life for what we don't even have a clue on the evil deeds done during previous life?
Why don't we get rewarded on something we did good in this life?
So if my life is poor & miserable but I'm a Samaritan, I couldn't enjoy my reward & will remain poor & miserable in this life.
Doesn't make sense right?
It's like when you strike lottery but can only get the money when you die.
What's the point?!
I really wanna know what kind of sins did I committed in my previous life & have to atone for them now.
I'm a Buddhist by the way ~
“Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday was the 7th day of lunar 7th month.
The Weaving maid had finally met her Cowherd again after a long separation.
“Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” ~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi
Ever wanted something so badly but knowing it's difficult or almost impossible?
I always think what's yours, is yours..
However for the first time, I have such a strong desire to fight for what I know it's not mine...
yet at this point of time I have no clue how to.
I also realised having strong desire doesn't mean you will have the same amount of courage to fight for it.
“If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.” ~ Brendan Francis
Met an old friend for dinner whom I didn't see for years.
My pure motive was just catching up but part of his motive is to make me accompany him for shopping.
I told him he had chose a wrong companion.
I'm not a good shopping companion.
Most importantly, I hardly shop with guys.
Know each other for 11 years, we mentioned this for more than once today.
But I feel that I do not know him enough.
People changed.
People's lifestyle become different too.
He has LV wallet, Armani watch, wear Zara Shirt, shop in Raoul, Pedro...
Me?
This Fashion.
I'm a member & they are having 50% sale....
I'm not a brand fanatic for those who know me.
Shopping with him is a very different experience compare with the girls.
I always thought guys' do not have much varieties for clothes, that's why many became transvestites.
I realised I was so wrong!
"If men liked shopping, they'd call it research." ~ Cynthia Nelms
Just came home after watching the movie "Orphan".
Except the good acting skills & the final twist, the rest was really not fantastic.
With the overused of tense music & false alarms, the movie was tormenting.
In that movie, I thought the distrust between the couple somehow triggered the tragedy.
When a couple lost the trust between them, everything seems like a lie or "just you over reacting".
Having a paranoid relationship normally will lead to pain & suffering only.
You can destroy trust overnight but it requires years to build it back.
“Trust is like a vase.. once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”
Man & Woman
Alike yet different.
Two different species from two different planets
Learning to speak each other language.
Learning to live together in harmony.
The relationship between them is so fragile that it breaks easily if not handle with care.
"Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? ~ Virginia Woolf"
Learned a new phrase from Karen today.
"Love span"
Indeed, some people have short love span & some have long love span.
I hope majority is the latter.
Nevertheless, speaking from an inexperience me, I think in the end it still takes two to maintain & determine the length of your love.
Act within my own consciousness & remain faithful to my love one are part of my relationship guidelines.
Maintaining a relationship is easier to say than done.
Coz our heart always act faster than our brain huh.
"My love for you is a journey; Starting at forever, And ending at never."
Gotten 2 days MC from doctor.
Spent another sum of money seeing doctor.
The money that my company gave for my medical is really not enough to cover my dental + medical cost.
I'm not complaining..I'm really not.
However, with the money I've spent... I bought myself two days.
I always think we, human always like to buy more time for ourselves using money.
Yes, time can be bought with money.
Not the time that we already used though.
Like how we always spend more money on express bus/train to buy that extra time we saved.
But did we fully utilize that extra time to make it worthwhile?
“City people try to buy time as a rule, when they can, whereas country people are prepared to kill time, although both try to cherish in their mind's eye the notion of a better life ahead.” ~ Edward Hoagland
