Casey Cozy Home

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her

hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate

quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let

her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic

calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me

softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we

didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find

out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a

satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her

anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which

stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my

company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who

had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt

sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take

back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly

in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was

actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me

for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing

something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep

and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just

did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't

want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.

She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal

a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a

month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked

me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her

out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was

going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her

odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed

loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she

has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce

intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the

first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is

holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From

the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten

meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't

tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put

her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove

alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned

on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that

I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she

was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair

was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I

wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of

intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her

life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of

intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became

easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday

workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a

few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my

dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so

thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness

in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry

mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an

essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer

and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I

might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,

walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her

hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;

it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I

held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to

school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life

lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without

locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...

I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I

do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do

you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I

said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she

and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love

each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home

on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then

slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove

away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers

for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled

and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

"Will you pledge to him your love, faith and tenderness, cherishing him with a wife’s loyalty and devotion?"